


Who The Fuck Came Up With These Rules?

by gayyaomomo



Series: Bokuto and Kuroo's Supernatural Shit Show [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Established Relationship, I Tried, Immortals, M/M, Vampires, Witches, attempted humour, gay fluff, getting tipsy, i love domestic relationships, i love vampires, teen for swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 08:16:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8525572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayyaomomo/pseuds/gayyaomomo
Summary: Bokuto and Kuroo get tipsy at one am on a Thursday and describe each other because who the fuck decided vampires couldn't show up in mirrors?





	

**Author's Note:**

> shout out to lauren and leo for pushing me to actually write this au and for reading it for me 
> 
> my tumblr is babytrashking so hmu there be warned its a lot of haikyuu but also a lot of political stuff right now because I do live in the united states and the election is effecting me. but I'm always ready to talk so send me an ask or something

Bokuto Koutarou and Kuroo Tetsurou were lying in the middle of their kitchen floor at one in the morning on a Thursday, trying to get drunk as hell. Kuroo opened his mouth to say something when a loud belch came out instead causing both boys to dissolve into giggles. After their laughter subsided Kuroo, through gasping breaths asked, “Bo, do you ever think like, how is it even possible that we can get tipsy?” The two vampires were surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol and coconut water. Despite their best efforts however after several bottles of many different drinks they were only slightly tipsy due to not having their blood circulate enough or something. Akaashi and Kenma promised them they weren’t missing out on much.

Bokuto grinned and turned his head to look at him from where they were lying side by side. “Dude I just don’t even pay much attention to it at this point, I mean there are so many questions to this vampire crap.” At this Kuroo raised an eyebrow in a silent prompt to continue, because while he himself did have complaints he was much more interested in Bokuto’s thoughts. 

“Have you ever wondered why wooden stakes is something specific to vampires? I mean wouldn't that kill anybody? But I get it even splinters freak me out they’re like tiny death needles.”

“You got your ears pierced by tiny death needles.”

“Hey give me a break I knew I wasn't going to die that time. Plus I look hot with earrings.” Bokuto rolled over onto his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows just so he could look down at Kuroo as he spoke. Kuroo in response grinned and brought his hands up to play with Bokuto’s earrings. “They do look pretty,” he whispered, although he wasn’t entirely sure why he as whispering. Bokuto blushed and shifted to glance away from Kuroo as he preened over him, cupping his face, a look of reverence clearly expressed in his loving gaze. Even after 349 years of dating he still ended up blushing like a teenager despite not being one for thousands of years. 

Kuroo looked up at Bokuto expectantly, waiting for him to continue. Beginning to notice the blush creeping down Bokuto’s neck Kuroo removed his hands from Bokuto’s face and instead played idly with a bottle cap that was lying on the ground. Bokuto blinked rapidly at the sudden lack of touch, sitting up fully, but continued his train of thought exactly where he left off. 

“What the fuck is up with garlic? I can’t eat garlic bread and I think that’s the real crime here.” Kuroo snickered as he pressed his head into Bokuto’s thigh, sometimes he forgot how accidentally funny his boyfriend could be. “Don’t laugh as me!” Bokuto tried to suppress his own laughter as he weakly slapped Kuroo’s shoulder which only spurred on the other vampires laughter. “I’m serious Kuroo!” 

“I know,” Kuroo’s response was slightly muffled buy the fabric of Bokuto’s grey sweat pants. He brought his head up from it’s previous spot sporting a cheeky grin which gave Bokuto a clear view of his fangs. “That is what makes it so funny.” He finished the statement by bopping Bokuto on the nose and then settling himself back on Bokuto’s lap, this time using him as a pillow. Bokuto let out an annoyed huff but settled them against the kitchen counter, running his hands through Kuroo’s messy hair earning a content hum from the other. “You know I’m just gonna like eat garlic bread out of spite one day. Call up Oikawa for when I eventually start to, I don’t know suffocate? What even happens when you eat garlic?” Kuroo gave him a horrified look, “Bo, no.”

“Bo, yes.”

“Dude you will die I’m not kidding you.” A look of genuine concerned creased Kuroo’s eyebrows and Bokuto automatically reached out a hand and smoothed the crease away. He did this whenever Kuroo furrowed his brow due to stress mostly from his job. He gave the excuse that he didn’t want to see Kuroo’s face marred by wrinkles, but they both knew it was an excuse for Bokuto to touch his face. 

“Okay but that’s why I’ll have Oikawa with me.” Kuroo shot him a dead pan expression that meant no way in hell. Bokuto pouted but reached out a hand to squeeze Kuroo’s wrist anyways, just to reassure him that he was joking. They sat in silence for a few minutes just like that, Bokuto’s hands in Kuroo’s hair leaning against the cabinets in their white tiled kitchen. 

Kuroo was just about to doze off when Bokuto spoke again, “Kuroo, do you ever wonder what you look like? Because I mean I do, and I want to know what I look like and since you see me everyday I thought maybe.” Bokuto ran his tongue over his teeth in embarrassment and immediately looked away from Kuroo’s piercing gaze. “Never mind it was stupid forget I even said it.” Kuroo sat up and faced Bokuto looking more awake than he was five minutes ago. “No it isn’t stupid I mean I’ve always wondered what I look like so, maybe we can trade? I describe you and you describe me?” Bokuto nodded excitedly and shifted so he was sitting cross legged mimicking the position Kuroo was currently in.

“I guess I’ll go first,” Kuroo said as he looked over Bokuto thinking of the best way to phrase his description. “There’s no way around this you’re hot, like really hot. I mean I think you can tell but you are pretty ripped, but you also have an amazingly pretty face and it’s really not fair. But how to put this you’ve seen pictures of great horned owls before and we know a few owl shifters.” They both shuddered remembering Yukie and Konoha’s late night visits. “You kind of look like a great horned owl I guess, it’s probably your eyes combined with your hair, but your eyes, your eyes are just something else.” Bokuto was blushing profusely just from the way Kuroo lovingly spoke about him. 

“What do my eyes look like?” Bokuto asked quietly, still embarrassed by the entire scenario. “Your eyes, your eyes are just beautiful. They're round and sometimes your eyelids will slide over them so they're hooded and then you look sexy as shit.” Bokuto laughed and Kuroo smiled as he leaned forward and grabbed Bokuto’s face, pressing three quick kisses to his lips. “Sorry,” Kuroo said licking his lips, “I couldn’t help myself you looked cute.” 

“Kuroo,” Bokuto whined at the tease of contact and then the sudden loss. “Patience Bo I’m not done yet.” Kuroo winked at him, while still managing to maintain a look of extreme fondness. “Your eyes are a beautiful colour as well, they look like liquid gold they're beautiful. I could stare into your eyes for hours I just love them so much. I love you so much.”

It was a little known secret that Bokuto in the right scenarios was easily embarrassed to a fault. Kuroo was quite proud that he was the one who brought out Bokuto’s blush and could leave his easily excited boyfriend speechless. Just as Kuroo predicted Bokuto let out a tiny squeak and buried his face in his hands at the bold statement. “Kuroo you can’t just say things like that.” 

“I can if it’s true.” Kuroo carded his hands through Bokuto’s hair forcing him to meet his gaze. “I also really like your hair, I don’t know how but ever since I met you your hair is two different colors.” Bokuto looked confused and reached up to grab a piece of hair that had flopped into his eyes. “It is?” He managed to see some of the black roots in the white by almost pulling his hair out. “It is! I never noticed!” He looked so excited like a kid who just woke up on Christmas.

“How did you not notice?” Bokuto responded with a non committal shrug probably too embarrassed that he didn’t know his own hair colour. “I mean, I know you try and gel it up but it sticks straight up. Personally I really like it when it’s down. It’s slightly wavy and it falls over your eyes when you laugh.” Kuroo ran his hand through his own hair as he rambled, “God Bo you’re just amazing, especially when you smile and it lights up the world. I’m just so in love with you.” Bokuto smiled softly and flicked Kuroo between the eyebrows. “You know you’re not something to sniff at either. You are one of the hottest people I know and I’ve been alive longer than you.” 

“Only by like 18 years! That’s not even 20 years ”

“Still older than you.” Was the response Kuroo got as he crossed his arms and huffed at the fact, something that he hated being reminded of. Even if he acted like the more mature immortal he would always be 18 years younger. “If you’re going to insult me like this you better give me a good description of what I look like.” 

Bokuto opened up his arms invitingly and Kuroo moodily crawled into his arm, pretending to be annoyed. Bokuto knew better by now and settled his chin on top of Kuroo’s head. “I love your hair, even though it’s a fucking disaster.” Kuroo snorted but looked slightly concerned, reaching up to touch the fringe covering his right eye. “Does it look bad?” 

“What? No I never said it looked bad, it’s messy. It might be due to the fact that you sleep with two pillows pressed against the back of your head. But it’s messy like sex ruffled messy it’s sexy.” Bokuto pushed back Kuroo’s fringe and kissed the spot right above his eyebrow and murmured with his lips pressed against against Kuroo’s skin, “I heard that Kenma’s friend, the small orange one, Kageyama’s boyfriend, calls you rooster head.” Kuroo let out his wheezing guffaw of a laugh at that as he rocked back into Bokuto’s chest.

“Are you kidding me? He calls me rooster head? I can’t believe this, I didn’t think it looked that bad.” 

“Believe me sweetheart it looks that bad sometimes.”

“Oh fuck you.”

With a small smirk Bokuto leaned down and whispered, “Later darling.” Earning him a sharp elbow to his gut as Kuroo fought hard not to let the blush spread from his cheeks. “Just hurry up and tell me what I look like.”

“I guess your features are just generally cat like and sly. Your eyes are narrower than Kenma’s but they still have the same cat like pupils. It suits your personality though, you provocative ass, you have a face that screams sex appeal and cunning.” Kuroo puffed up his chest proudly at the praise, preening slightly before Bokuto continued his statement “But what no one else knows is that you cancel it out with your dork personality. I mean honestly you have multiple degrees from multiple centuries and you teach history because, and I’m quoting you here, ‘I’ve lived though this I think I’m pretty qualified to teach them these history books are all wrong.’” 

“But you love me anyways,” Kuroo trilled happily craning his head back on to Bokuto’s shoulder. Bokuto snaked his arms around Kuroo’s waist and squeezed it. “That I do,” Bokuto responded as he pressed another kiss into the crown of Kuroo’s head. Bokuto felt his eyes grow heavy as their breathing synced up and he struggled to stay awake. A calm lull feel over the small kitchen. “Hey Bo?”

“Ya?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

And just like that a couple of tipsy vampires feel asleep on their kitchen floor at three in the morning on a Thursday.

**Author's Note:**

> did you know coconut water is used in emergency blood transfusions so i decided that vampires in my au can drink coconut water.  
> if you ever wonder what i picture bokuto with his floppy hair to look like look at ikipin on tumblr her bokuto and kuroo art gives me life and its what i imagine them to look like in this au.  
> 


End file.
